Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. When it is expressed appropriately you are letting go of the stress and frustration that you are experiencing, and those around you understand and accept that you are upset. When anger is expressed inappropriately with blame and aggression it can be a destructive force- both to the person experiencing it and for those subjected to it.
As with other things that are negative, there is a tendency to hold something or someone else responsible. When you hold someone else responsible for your stress, anxiety, or frustration you feel that you have the right to express this in an aggressive manner. This is because you feel out of control, unable to understand why you are feeling the way you do. When we feel out of control it is easier to blame others and not take responsibility for ourselves. When you express your anger aggressively you are pushing people away from you. Aggression does not help with working through the problem.
Steps to help you control your Anger
- Remember you are responsible for your own life, the choices you make, and the quality of your life experience.
- Clarify your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants. You are the only one who knows what goes on inside if you.
- Compromise with others when wants or needs are in conflict, or in a dispute. It is unreasonable to always get what you want.
- With mutual respect, compromise, and negotiation people can look for a reasonable solution.
- Develop helpful skills for managing your life. Examine the difficulties that you are going through, consider how you add to the difficulties, and decide what you are willing to do differently.
To understand your anger, ask yourself the following questions:
- What are the stressors, fears, and frustrations that are at the bottom of your anger?
- What do you think or say to yourself that increases anger?
- Is anger helpful in getting others to do what you want them to do?
- What is a more helpful approach you can use to get what you want and need?
- What are the sources of support you make use of when you are feeling angry?
If would like to know more about it or would like help with anger management, visit our anger management section.